respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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