OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's Friday. Sex?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
