I hate all girls vehemently.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
