i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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