didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
