Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize