she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
