why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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