i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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