I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
