I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
