please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
