Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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