and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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