I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
