rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
