you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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