I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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