would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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