ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize