I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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