Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
