I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
