Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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