so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
