i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
