Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
