1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
