I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
