So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
