We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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