Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
