It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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