We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
