I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just had sex on a roof
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
