Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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