The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
