I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
