im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
