Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
