eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
