Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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