and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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