He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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