He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
