hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
