Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love having hate sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
