Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize