i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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