Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
