when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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