New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
