i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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