Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize