____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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