Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
