her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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