you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
