I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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