Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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