ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
