What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
