she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
