Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
