I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
