You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
