i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
