im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
