All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
