Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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