you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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