i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
