then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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