shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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